The Story of Ace


            The Story of Ace takes place on Rifts Earth, which is basically a post  apocalyptical version of earth that takes place hundreds of years after World War III, after a great dark age. The world has been warped by the face of the war: the very fabric of reality rent asunder. Rifts, dimensional portals, and their harbringer, the mystical ley lines, dot the planet and are so prolific they could be seen in space, that is, if anyone could reach space without being shot down by unknown forces. Dimensional beings ranging from the mundane to the demonic to gods themselves have invaded rifts earth and seek to claim ownership of it to gain power over its many gateways. Humanity was nearly destroyed, and only now in a few places and in a few different ways, is fighting to come back. This campaign largely takes place in the ruined Midwest of the former American Empire. The coalition, based in chi-town, takes a prominent place in this campaign, and chronologically it takes place shortly after the fall of the mystical city of Tolkien to the forces of the coalition.

            Ace is a M.O.M. That’s mind over Matter for those not in the know. Similar to a juicer, he is an augmented human—however, where juicers gain their super human abilities from a chemical concoction, M.O.M.s gain their power from implants in the brain that manipulate the brain works and thus how the body works. M.O.M.s, also known as crazies, are thus gifted with super human strength, speed, endurance, sences…even psychic powers…and especially psycho powers. They are called crazies for a reason.

            These same implants destroy the human mind and force the super human to loose his humanity and become crazier day by day.

            Ace didn’t start as much. With an IQ of 70 (7 in rifts terms per attribute points) he was a simple minded but afiable chum. He rarely noticed hostility in others. With his conversion, he gained unblevable speed and prowess, but he also believes that these super powers can only be activated by use of the power word “Shazam!”5’8’’ nad only 180 lbs, Ace sports a sinister curved mustache and mischief in his eyes. He starts the game a bit slow, with few insanities, a desire to recite bad poetry, and a friendly child like nature—by the time of the end, well…it changes slightly.

            This campaign started under Keegan’s gming and eventually switched to Mike’s gming. It started as a coalition war campaign and has quickly changed into a magic campaign that would leave J.K. Rowling reeling.

            I, like Ace, have a poor memory, but I hope you will enjoy what I do remember.



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p.s. i'd like to thank keegan, mike, erik, dougy, and ricky for helping create this wonderful story, and so many others. sorry if i've butchured it. its sad how little i can remember of what occured in this truly epic campaign.



            Hi y’all! My name here is Ace, and I gotta tell ya things weren’t to bad in that old town. There were some purdy right interestin’ folk in that there town back in the day. There was some kind of real pretty scientist lady, this right odd gentleman that could do stuff by thinking about em, and even a db or two in the town I came from…well, more than two. Way more than that, ya betcha!

            One of the dbs was this right tuff lookin’ guy that had this dark hair…only his hair would change color to blonde and like bits of lightnin’ would start sizzlin’ all up and around him…he made my skin stand right on end somedays, gee wilikers.

            Anyway, we was a right nice town and not really meanin’ to hurt anybody, but we had them extradimensional folk in our town, and one day the coalition, they came a callin’. They sent a lot a lot a lot o’ robots to discuss maters with us. Um, I just didn’t like the way they discussed is all.

            Now, Mr. black to blonde hair all goes flying into the sky as those there robots start blastin’ the area all up, as they start misting or grabbing the dbs and grabbing everyone else too. He stands right high in the sky and looks like some sort o’ saint or something and the lightning is swirling around him and he is doin’ his thing, or near abouts ‘bout to when the robots all turn their darnabit guns on poor old db and blast him apart. Blasted him apart and nothin’ remained.

            Now, I decided the best way to handle the situation was to right a letter, a poem. I wrote a nice little ditty askin’ old robots to please leave the town alone. And they didn’t dangnabit listen. So I fled after a brief skuffle—I fled right into the school, where that darn right purdy scientist lady and the mind man were also hiding, and we could hear one of them robots brayin’ away at some sort o’ loud speaker, all up and demandin’ that we leave the safety of the school and surrender to the safety and authority o’ the coalition. I gathered my wits about me, wrote down,”Their ain’t no one inside o’ here. Please leave us alone, uooose robots” and I folded it up into a right nice lil’ paper air plain and let it fly through a window to smack one o’ the robots in the head. The robot insinerated my note and encaptuered all o’ us.

            True story.

            Then they lined up all the dbs, turned on their lazer beams and what not, and next thing I know my friends and neighbors are vaporizing right before my crying eyes. Few o’ us folks survived to be taken to the coalition encampment. Now, mind man, he thought to be clever and try to use his mind powers to bust loose, but the coalition, they have these giant talking human dogs that can smell magic and mind powers and they came right for him.  There was a brief discussion before a giant robot, the sarge, as I would later come to know him (though for a while he tried reeeal hard to correct me), then the robot lifts up his visor and out shoots lazers from the robots eyes and old mind man is dust and ash too.

            Them days I thought I’d never stop with the crying and waterworks. Me and scientist lady kind of understand that we are in this together, and there be worse ones to be in this with, if you get my meaning. Anyway, the sarge tells us we are now property of the coalition and we must obey and we are on a sacred sort o’ duty to protect humanity and all that. Crok, right? But anyway, sarge got them lazer beams and he is a mighty tough robot beast, must way more than an APC, I reckon! They tag me as a mind guy to, cuz o’ my implants, and they tell me all sorts of things and force me to watch and learn about how great the coalition is. We become soldiers, and we are on duty at the base, ready to find and exterminate db scum.

            Now, them were good times and bad times on that there base. Hey, despite being a murderous giant robot, the sarge weren’t all bad. He let me and snazzy scientist go and set up a fort to protect the base from db invasion. Course, the wooden fort did get anihalated immediately when the dbs did come. He was nice and let us use all sorts of machinery and equipment. I think I became the first flying crazy more or less ever. I got to wear this thing called a Samas, and I took some training in it, and actually have become half way descent at flying the thing. Its real nice. Travles a few hundred miles per hour—what ever that means, right?

            Now there were all sorts of dbs and demons and worse near abouts, and we had lots of missions protecting our base. I got to meet others. They—well, there all dead and gone now, so I guess I’ve done forced myself to forget their names, I declare, but they were my comrades. Once we fought this beautiful lady in the woods. Turned out she was some sort of greater demon. She could do all sorts of nasty magic and control the woodlands, the wolves, the trees. We used some innovative plans, even tried droping raw sewage and pollutants on her area to scare her off. I think in the end it was a stale mate. We just couldn’t hurt her cuz she had her magic, and she couldn’t get rid of us. Scary, right ? Haven a demon just a few clicks off base.

            There were a looot o’ juicers on our base. I learned to play some snazzy juicer dead ball and the juicers kind of looked up to me. Now, one night, I watched this really scary movie about this  psychic that would run around chopping peoples hands off and zapin em with lightning and telling people he was there daddy and all that, and I started hearing the sound of his heavy breathin’ were ever I’d go. It got reeeally pretty intense. I heard him everywhere. It was odd. Sarge seemed kind of amused by the star wars spectre. Darth Vader, I think they called him.

            So, the base could be scary that way to, with damn ghosts near abouts.

            Eventually we ran into trouble right awful. I went to the mess hall to have my usual bout o’ yum yums when old wise man chef tell me there just ain’t no more. Its allll gone he says, or nearly. We get less and less. I guess sarge investigated and discovered from his superiors that some supply trains had been messed with. We were to go investigate, so we all get into our samas and vehicles and fly off to investigate. We discover a smokin’ ruin eventually, and that’s where our supply train is. We land, and almost immediately dozens of these giant fly like db beasties are attacking us with lazers and all sorts of badness, and we fight and fight. We all are taking lots of damage, and I notice that my buddy, the pretty scientist lady, who by the way, had been causing sort of a rucus on base with her bad boyfriends and her drugs (I told her drugs were bad. Ya shouldn’t do drugs. Fraid she didn’t listen.)—anyway, I saw her armor had been blown completely off and apart and she were a sitting duck. I see her scramble to the armored vehicle and she makes it inside, just as there is a massive splosion in the sky and we see one of our own tumbling out of another ruined coalition vehicle. She’s nearly inside when the parachuter lands on her, crushing her beneath his mechanized armor. Worse thing I evr saw.

            That’s the first time I heard the voices. 6 of them. Whispering things to me. Kill this person. Save that one. Gamble. Lie. Betray. Help. Heal. Sooner or latter they would get out, one by one, and take over me. Course I didn’t right understand this back then. I heard him and just felt the pain of losing one more friend.

            The parachuter smiled a cocky grin and we finished off the rest of the bug things right easy.

            It hurt and I knew I was crazy, but it was gona get a lot worse before it got better.


* * *


            Hehe….squish! Pop, blood, brains!

            By the way, Ace is a fucking idiot, in case anyone asks. Me, my name is Valence. And I know whats right around here. Hehe…take old fly boy, for example…oh, he thinks he is some sort of pro out there, with his elite flying badge. But you know what, he ain’t shit!

            I taught him real good one night though. I knew he’d had a few to many run ins with juicers at some point, gotten on the wrong side of one, if you know what I meen. So I set it up all nice and slick for Ace’s chums, the deadball team to meet old fly boy, and I told them how he had bet that he could beat up anyone of them, that he’d put money on it, and led old fly boy out to the deadball team and had him meet a mega…hehe….of course, things fall apart fast, and that’s when I let old Ace take a look around and wonder how the hell he got where he got and whats going on.

            I get Ace good that way, I get em all real good that way. I even get the sarge and that high floatin’ ranger on the base. Damn CS scout, thinks he’s better than the rest of us. Well, he’s not.

            What? You didn’t hear me?

            He’s not!!!!

            I get them all in the end. Whats that your looking at? Hah, blow baby, blow.

            Listen hear, you don’t like the way I talk, you don’t like my maners? Well fuck you then. I ain’t fucking Ace and I ain’t the fucking doctor, no, and I ain’t even that gambling freek or the murderer. All of us, we roam inside old poor Ace’s poor little dim witted head, screaming and clawing to get out, and sooner or latter we do. We all do in the end.

            Poor Ace, that’s right, poor Ace.

            Hah, fuck ‘em.

            Well, same to you then. What, you don’t want to talk to me no more, that’s fine. You wana talk to Ace, that’s fine. But you just remember, I’m seeing it all behind Ace’s eyes at every moment, and I’m ready to put it all straight at any single last god damn second, and not you, not Ace, not the whole god damn coalition is going to stop me.

            You got it?


                                                           * * *    


            Huh? Sorry, ah must a’ dazzed of for a second or two. What was we talkin’ about? Ah, that’s right. So, we done learned that someone must’a all up and set us up right nasty, but we sure didn’t know who or what at that point. And I had lost my dear friend, the last remaining friend I had from my village. I was down right and depressed, and even more depressed because the shot down haul of the CS cargo transport done had all its dangnabit food taken out and away. Well, we were in a right nasty pickle then, but we came up with some plans, and we done figured the best way was to either pretend to be a cargo transport to trick the enemy into revealing just who or what he really was.

            O’ course, we’d also done upset the bug things, the Xitichic or whatever them all is called, and we had a few scuffles with them now to. It weren’t to bad yet though. Oh, no. Ah wish that’d been the end o’ that.

            So, we had some problems, but other than the food supply, the base was safe yet, and it was still a base of happy human folk, or human folk at least, trying there best to survive in this world o’ ours.

            So, we flew the mission to trick our enemy into revealin’ himself, took some dog boys with, and some new super cyborg by the name of Megaman and his cybernetic dog boy Rush. Now, these dog boys, they can smell real well. They can smell magic even.

            So, when we got shot down, we crashed safely and they could smell the magic in the air.


            We all nice and silent crept out a the carcass of our craft and into primordial forests of Wisconsin. Dark dank places, woodlands and bogs. The enemy was out there and our dog boys were smellin’ em up and we were a followin’ em. But sundly ah went blind, and so did my companions. But the dogs, they could still smell em.

            We continued on a bit under the guidance of the super sniffers and soon we ran into the mages. And there was a nice right fire fight, only the mage scaddaled. But we could see again and were on his trail hot now. We scampered deeper and deeper into the forest until we ran smack dab into a super secret shack were the mage must o’ been hiding.

            We invaded that shack, which turned out to be a whole lot of tunnels, and we ended up fighting a stolen enchanted super samas. We had to put the super samas down, which caused old red head, a right pretty lady with a right pretty temper, to have a bit of a temper tantrum, seeing as it was her super samas that had been stolen and enchanted and we had to all blow up.

            Anyway, we requisitioned some of our stuff back and blew the mage apart and made our way out, when sundly we were attacked by a whole platoon of mages—except it were all the same mage! We blasted them one after another, but he kept on coming on out of the brush and bushes like he’d never been misted just a moment before. Down right eerie, ya know?

            Anywho, we blasted the lot of them and made our way back to the base, when ah sundly noticed something. There he was, the mage, at our base, standing in line for some rations. Damn. Ah got a might bit angry and ah knocked the mage out and presented him to sarge, who I thought might interrogate the wee bugger, though the sarge ended up lazering him up instead.

            To be honest, ah don’t right think it was the last we were gonna see of the little bugger. Ah don’t think that was the last of them, or the original, if there ever were an original. Don’t right know. All ah do know is that I right suspect is that somewhere in the back waters of Wisconsin theres still a tribe of that same mage somewhere out there causing all kinds of mischief.

            Only, if he were causing mischief, he toned it down a little. We managed to get a supply train through at any rate, which were nice, and we could eat again.

            Next orders had us all hunt down this sort of super worm creature that apparently could feed on magic. Mega man dropped the mama and papa super worm creature with a few well placed shots, and we took the younglings back to base to be studied by our scientists.

            Ah don’t right no. So many things happened. Ah may be placing some of these here events out of order, ah don’t know, my head hurts. It hurts so bad sometimes. Like right now. Ouch! Darnation, it’s a bit right painful right now.

            What was going to happen next were mighty painful to. It began with Megaman going off on a mission somewhere else doing who knows what and sundly we had a new team mate by the name of rogue. Spy little girl, had this strange strip of white in her hair. Right odd that. She always wore gloves and seemed a bit shy, but mighty well self possessed to, right? The scout on our base, who we all looked up to a lot, took a special liking to her. Ah don’t know. Ah got on well enough with her, but ah don’t know if the sarge right cared for her much, but she was assigned us, probably thanks to the scout.

            There was a bit of a ruckus, you understand.



* * *


            A bit of a rucus….oh, that’s fucking sweet. And I caused the rucus. Its true that the sarge didn’t like rogue. Who could? I knew just what to do…tell the CS scout…tell the hero of our base all about that…tell her father….haha….and see him get angry and see the conflict.

            It might of worked too, given more time.

            Ah, but who cares, they all got what was coming to them anyways, except Ace, and that damn samurai.


                                                                        * * *


            Huh? What? Oh, yeah, the samurai was assigned to us when we were sent a bit north…we were sent a bit north, past the ruins of Tolkien, where they were still burning the bodies…ya could smell the ash in the air from miles away, it stank. Sarge and most of the others laughed about the dbs burning. I don’t know. I like dbs, to be honest. Most of them, anyways. Well, some of em.

            But yeah, to increase our cohesiveness as a group, the sarged been ordered to take rogue with him on this outing. I came with to, as well as a few others. And our guide at the northern fort was a samurai. At least that’s what he told us he was, whatever a samurai is. Must not be a db, because sarge didn’t start lazering him for one.

            There’d been reports of an increase in the buy activity. Yeah, the giant alien db bug activity. We were to investigate. So we all went to do that. We didn’t reach the hive, or even get close. A patrol of the things intercepted us not far out of town. We combated them. I unloaded a lot of heavy fire power at em. Rogue, she did something else, something different. She grabbed one, and it was weird. The thing began to whither and grow all crinkley, and rogue looked more fearsome, much more fearsome. And less…less like rogue. More, well, you’ll pardon my saying so, cause she were a right pretty nice lady too, but she kind of looked sort of insecty there for a second, and she began to move like them bugs moved. She got into the thick of it.

            Sarge ordered us to retreat. We had our orders. I tried to reach her, to get her to come with. She mumbled something about needin’ to find more, to touch more, to get to the queen…ah don’t right now. The sarge was getting miffed at me now to, so ah to leave her, ah didn’t have a chance. Anyway, ah’d of just of died to, ah think. So, ah ran and flew and ah made it to the safety of the town with a whole swarm of them hot on my heals. Ah made it to safety, the only survivor.

            Or so ah thought. Ah cried and mourned and let the good people of the town know that ah was the sole surviving champion of the coalition expeditionary force, and they should honor me as such, if they so kindly pleased…but then ah started seein’ ghosts…first the sarge, then the others…they were still alive…or were they…must a been…I don’t know…ah don’t know…ah don….

Anyway, rogue weren’t there. Period.

            But the town was indefensible, we had to get back to the base. We made it, but the great cloud of the Xitichi, the bug things was hot and huge in the sky and it was dark with there alien wings and we could hear the ground shake as they approached us and the wind rushed. And ah was ordered into my samas and to man one of the the great missile controls on the base and we shot war head after war head at the approaching bugs, but they were just to many.

            The samurai and some sort of spirit gun slinger rushed out over the wall. I think the spirit gun slinger had just come to our base to meet his spirit makers, he sat on that wall. Yeah, that wall. It was a bad pick.

            The samurai moved expertly through the throng, looking for somethin’, ah wasn’t sure what. When we were out of warheads, all hell broke loose. The sarge ordered us to do this and that, but the samurai was doomed, as was the fly boy. Now, fly boy had been actin’ kind of strange for a while. There was somethin’ special about him. He could move like me, sort of, and he acted sort of crazy. Ah think old flying man was a crazy himself, just maybe. Anyway, he flew into the battle and was a thing of legends there for a while, and then they blasted his samas off, but he had this strange black armor on him, and the bugs, well, they started to blast him with huge shrieking wails, and the armor, it threw itself up all around him, like liquid black tendrils, and ah swear, ah may not be the brightest brick on the wall, but ah swear the armor was alive. It shrieked and swayed wildly about and old fly boy cursed and said he was screwed now without armor, he begged me to save him.

            Ya see I was there to. I had followed him and the samurai once the warheads were gone, but the bugs were everywhere, and we’d fought real good, but it was game over here.

            The samurai, he was swiping left and right, still looking for something, and I don’t know, maybe he found it. He mumbled something about a queens fall and ah saw this strange bug, with a thin strand of white hair running admist a tumble o’ brunnete curls. The samurai plunged his sword into that xitihci and its head went flying off.

            But now the buys were turning on him and fast as he could parry there were just o many, and I could see that he would die if ah couldn’t help him, and ah could see fly boy would die if ah couldn’t help him…ah don’t know…ah still feel guilty….ah do….the noises, they were so loud! I moved into the sky, and dodged and dodged again and reached down…and ah had him!

            The samurai and I started to ascend up towards the clouds and ah looked down and saw the bugs pulling fly boy apart into bloody pieces. Ah turned off the sound on my armor so that I wouldn’t be able to hear him shriek no more….behind me we both heard the walls of the fortress fall apart…poor old spirit gun was still sitting on the wall…the sarge was still in the base, the juicers were still in the base…my bunk…the mess hall…the cinema….the…the….all gone in less than a minute…the bugs had burrowed beneath the base and caused it to collapse in on itself. Ah imagine, maybe beneath all that there debriss, maybe the sarge is still alive, his robot mind still trying to think of a way to get free beneath tons and tons of rubble…then again, maybe the bugs burrowed to him and finished the sarge once and for all.

            We were near finished once and for all to. Ah am crazy at dodging, and ah dodged blast after blast, and those ah just couldn’t, well, samurai raised his blade and knocked them blasts aside with his sword, somehow. Only one shot got lucky, and sundly the thrusters on my samas were coated with some sort of adhesive and we were heading downwards towards the bugs. But the samurai thought fast, and he cut the adhesive aside, and we sped away.

            Odds were against us, but we made it out of Wisconsin alive. The bugs had that area for the time being, at least.


            Ah done right don’t right recall where we fled too. Seemed though ah wasn’t a fan of the bugs, the coalition done buttered my toast the wrong way, hurting all them dbs and magic men and all that. True, ah was gonna miss a lot of things—the juicers, and all that, but they were all done dead anyway.

            So me and the samurai and I fled, for how long I don’t know. And then we saw something. A fire from heaven, striking down upon the earth. It blazed hoter than hell for a second or two in the sky before slaming down real hard into the ground, somewhere. Me and samurai flew on over, and I saw this sword stuck in the ground, real tight.

            I flew toward it, and tried to pull the sword out, but it was stuck real tight.

            I began to grow right angy and that’s when I heard a voice. A mechanical voice. I looked and behind me was this giant robot thing, and perched atop its shoulders someone swinging around an assasins gun.

            The world swayed, and I don’t know…maybe I blacked out…I heard a voice, it all went red, and the next thing I know I have the sword in my hand I am trying to tear an entry into the robot to get at its squshy lil’ human operator. We fight on for a bit, me and the samurai against the robot and the assassin, but the sword is magic, and sundly it glows brighter than the sun, brighter than life and death and war, and we just aren’t there no more.

            We are in a bubble buried beneath tons upon tons o water. Now, this water bubble, it seems its some sort of toy of something called a splurgoth. We be taken over to Atlantis. I don’t know. Maybe he wanted some new slaves. Maybe this, maybe that. I just don’t know.

            We survive for a bit. We got an uneasy alliance, but that assassin, he seems to be eyeing me up from time to time. We meet someone at a tavern one night, and the assassin must have been a bit stressed out. I don’t know. It was some sort of wizard we met at the tavern, telling us about a great danger and a need for heroes. The assassin wanders up, puts a finger against the wizards head, and out comes a lazer beam and that was one crispy wizard.

            Poor guy. I can’t be sure, but I think the assassin wanted to dust me like that to.

            Never got a chance though. Cuz we soon had enemies a plenty after us. Atlantis is a dangerous place, its hard to live and do good there. The splurgoth have got control there…don’t know to much about them, just some lore that says they be demons and monsters that even the gods fear. I don’t know about the gods, but they sure scared me!

            Anyway, maybe it was my fame, having such an awesome important person as myself in the group…ah done right just don’t know, but lambshanks, we had more enemies coming after us all the time. Gun fight after gun fight. We met some guy that was gonna help repair our schtuff, but he gave us a note that he had to leave, and we came back to his shop and were ambushed.

            We fled from town to town.

            At one of the last towns we came to, ah happened upon this real friendly chap who was all selling other people to other people. Kind of odd, I thought. Made my stomach a right bit cuezy. Anyway, he was trying to sell this beautiful woman covered in tattoos. Ah’d heard rumors about tattoo magic, and so I knew this was a magic woman, and anyway, as I said, people selling people makes my stomach go urp! So, ah saddled on up to the seller and asked him if he knew who ah was.

            He replied, uhm, yes. Star struck, ah much expect.

            Anyway, ah asked him what was so wonderful about this hear lass and why someone was as wonderful as me would want to buy her. He asked if I’d never heard of tattoo men, and the magic they could do. So ah asked just what sort of magic they could do…and he told me about some of the things they could do…one of the things  was that they could summon a gryphon to ride on. Ah was like, no way, ah don’t believe any of that…ah’ll bet ya a thousand credits against.

            He took my bet and the little lady (okay, she was well over 6 feet tall, so maybe not so little) took up the challenge and poof their was a lion bird standing right there. Ah said, wow, that’s neet, but ah bet it can’t fly.

            Slaver looks at me all funny and says course it can. I haggle him into letting me try out the flying with the little lady. So, me and the little lady get on the back of the gryphon and it takes up into the air, and I see my friends and the slaver growing smaller and smaller, and we both shrug and just keep on going further and further away.

            Ah reckon the slaver was mighty angry, but people selling people just ain’t right.

            Ah meet up with my friends out side of town and we travel for a bit, but we are near the coast now…and…AHHHH….my head, it burns, it burns…ah don’t remember….maybe ah got on the gryphon with the lady and the samurai and we flew away….off over the ocean….maybe ah made it back to the ruins of the American Empire…or maybe ah didn’t find it in America, maybe ah found it in Atlantis….

But the next thing, well, the pretty little tattoo lady, the assassin, the robot pilot and his machine, even the samurai that ah’d traveled with for so long…

They were all done gone,

And ah saw this beautiful blonde haired sorceress and this 12 foot tall walking talking lizard looking down at me, demanding how ah got to be in their shop.

Lanfear was her name, and though she didn’t sell people, she made a guys stomach go all weird too. Right pretty lady. Right deadly lady. The other one, the giant lizard, worked magic too, some sort of temporal magic. They were opening a shop in a city that was just running plum over with magic. And this amulet ah had on my neck, that ah’d picked up ah don’t remember where, well, it tied me to them.


Ya’ll gota forgive me, cuz things happen pretty fast after then, and ah’m might ‘fraid I just can’t relate everything that happened.

Turned out this magic shop they were setting up, to sell all sorts o’ techno wizard devices, was within a 3 story building. Was odd though, cuz we’d walk up and see the 1st and 2nd floor, but the 3rd floor was plumb well hidden. So, ah thought,--on account of them telling me my room was the third floor, which we couldn’t find,--so ah thought ah’d just go right ahead and punch a hole into it. So I punched upwards and saw just the deepest blackness you’d ever see.

            Now the others got curiouse to, and they flew around to see the third floor from the top, and they found a weird little doorway, set on the roof, looking in, they didn’t see my head, even though I was peaking in right then. They saw different things, depending on who was lookin’. For example, one o’ em saw a juicer football team. One didn’t. They got into a little argument about that, so I flew along to the roof and peared in and went in, and yeah, ah sure did see a heck o’ a lot o’ juicers everywhere.

            It was a juicer football team. And there was apparently some sort o’ magical hotel on our roof…or at least one of several doorways to one…the hotel wasn’t actually in our building, but one of the doorways to the pocket dimension (what-ever-that is) was situated right comfy up there. And sure enough, we waited long enough all maners of flying cars and wing boards and broom riders and such would park and go all non-chalant into the hotel on our roof.

            Was odd though, cuz even though the doorway to the pocket dimension was still there, the third floor weren’t. And the hole I’d made into the third floor had sealed over as though the building itself had healed! Jinkers, ah was right miffed!

            Well, skeebeez, ah said to myself, it was done time to see this city. And now that ah learned there was a juicer football team, ah wanted in, on account o’ my skills with juicer deadball…figured ah’d be a shoe in. So, one o’ the things ah did was go and visit the stadium and apply to join em….and ah met with the coach or some sort o’ head honcho…and turned out their old quarter back, Fret Barv was in something called the last stages of jucier burn out, and while ah don’t right know what that is, ah reckon he sure did look a tired sight…all pale and had nose bleeds and looked like he was gonna faint or somethin’ all the time. They wanted to hire me for quarter back, and ah thought, oh, why not, it’ll be fun.

            Now the guys went to go shake down some of their competion and to get word out. Lanfear went to try to charm the local college. Ah hear she did charm some old mage that was wearin’ a right odd hat and havin’ all sorts o’ a ruckus trying to cast this water to wine spell….seemed it kept on going in reverse or somethin’ along them lines. Awww…shucks, poor guy fell to Lanfear’s whiles like nothin’!  

            Anyway, so they tried that, and at some point we got into a right nasty shuffle with some hoods callin’ themselves the necro boys. We had our selves a right nice magic fire fight, and we would a’ no doubt of had the day rapped up, except the police showed up. Ah flew off to safety and my buddies, Lanfear and the lizard, were put under house…err…shop arrest.  Now, we’d met this other right nice wizard who helped me out during the battle and we watched as the police sequestered my friends away, using an anti-magic cloud grenades and such…my friend and ah watched on the roof, but ah figured ah’d see what was what…and away….the amulet does these things, and poof! Ah was back by lanfears side in the shop to…

Eventually we got out of house arrest….apparently the lizard’s what ya call a shifter…anyway, there hard to keep under lock and bar….the trial was placed a ways a way…and the big game was gonna be sooner…ah decided to let ma fans bask in my glory for a bit and sign some auto-graphs…and it was goin right nice until there was this guy walks in with this weird theme tripy theme music blaring all around him…anyway, he says somethin’ about how the game would go better if my team didn’t win, and how ah should accept some money…ah don’t right know what he was getting’ at, so I thanked him for the molla and dispersed it to my lovin’ crowd and gave him a right nice autograph fer his trouble.

            Ah hope he was happy with that.

            Anyway, game day, my friends seemed kind of anxiouse, and they came with…only it was funny cuz though I saw them arrive at the game, ah didn’t see them in the crowds at all…all well…lot of people there, ah guess. My team….we did good, but it was right hard…one of my blockers was havin’ all sorts of trouble…the other team seemed to be almost propelled right off of him into me…it was bizarre…ah don’t know…anyway, it was a close game, but fact is ah lost it in the end. Strangely, ma friends didn’t seem sad about it, but dang right happy…strange people, ah guess, my friends.

            So, there was a weird news annoucment late one night and this funny clown fella appears…and says that no one is to leave the city or the whole city will be destroyed…and that once per hour, a different building would be destroyed…he seemed sort of crazy…ah don’t trust crazy people, let me tell you….anyway, that same day we received a request by the necro boys to go out to the city limits and pick up a package at the seedy area….if we did that., it was applied the charges might be dropped, and cuz the cops and the necros were tight like that, we figured, aww shucks…time to do the dilevery.

            It took us a few hours and a few buildings got all destroyed on the way, from what ah hear. We reached the area for pick up and the people there decided to hold us prisoner until we met some sort of check up…now, time was passin’ and one o’ the guys, the lizard, has this weird book with him, that he talks to sometimes….he seems to be tryin’ to get information out of the book…something about the 15…and some one the 15 had fought and defeated but who was comin’ back….ah don’t know…anyhow, the book was magic, and it sucked us in…we got to see some sort of epic battle between us and the 15….and see that pieces of the fallen foe were buried throughout the area.

            And the pieces had a great and terrible power….awww…ah began to get worried. Books scare me sometimes.

            Eventually we were freed and we teleported the things in the crates back…something very dark and evil in the crates too… I don’t know what….and just as we were going to return to our shop, we found a crater were it used to be…we’d been gone a long time, and a lot of buildings gone boom…

We searched around and found the clowns assistant…a right pretty girl playing hopscotch and singing to herself….ah don’t know…ah just react sometimes….the girl was juggling what looked like the detonator to the bomb in her hands….now, ah didn’t want the city to go boom, so I flew my samas fast as ah could and got the drop quicker than thought, I grabed that detonator away from her and put it in a pocket on my samas where ah’d placed the wizards hat after the lizard’d ate him…uhmm…yeah, ah forgot to mention about that…on the way to the pick up we were attacked by a rival gang o’ the necro boys, and the wizard that lanfear had charmed earlier helped us…only he kept on casting spells that never worked….and in the end he realized we were going to pick up something for the necro boys, and though one could see him liking lanfear a lot, he just wouldn’t have anything to do with it…so he moved to teleport away, but cuz his spells never work, he just minitraized himself inside of the hat..the lizard shrugged…picked him up, and ate him whole!

            Ah still have nightmares about that. The hat went into my samas for safe keeping, cuz non o’ the others wanted to touch it, but they said it was to valuable to destroy.

            Anyway, theres the clowns assistant, and ah have her detonator secure. And we start blasting away at her…only every time we attack her, she seems to get stronger and more fierce and super natural…ah try to telepath her to see whats all going on, but that just makes her stronger to…eventually our lzard creates a dimensional portal, the two super beings grapple, and she goes flying into the portal and they both vanish.

           The clown sundly appears, and he is clapping to himself….ah forget what happens next…but eventually, he starts walking away, playing with his very own detonator…hitting the button repeatedly…he gets frustrated and throws the detonator down on the ground….and everything is fire….

Ah explode!

Ah, but the medialion…its magic, and I reappear in my skibbys in the middle of a fierce fire, magic fight. The lizard is back, there all there fighting the clown and his gones, and ah hadn’t seen anything like it since them bug things  all that time ago. Thankfully they are fighting him next to the wizard college, and ah go running inside for cover and find some magic armor and magic guns….the clown is on the third story…ah race up the stairs and get the drop on him….the battle is fierce…but in the end, we manage to defeat the clown, and in triumph the lizard bites off his head.

            That’s the way things typically seem to go in these parts. Ah don’t know whats going to happen next. City gave us a new shop…well….charged us for a new shop…think the charges have been droped…things are all up and happening and its chose same as always…seems we need to find the pieces of that evil guy before its to late…

And ah don’t know…the voices are so loud these days…make them stop, could you please make them stop…AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!


The end (sort of) …actually its an ongoing campaign and this is just as far as we’ve gone so far…but to be honest, it took me so long to type this out, and I sort of doubt any one is ever going to read the whole thing, so I don’t know if I see the point in further relating the adventures of Ace and company. If anyone actually has been so noble, thank you so much for reading. It really truly meens a lot to me.





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